I've been looking for certain artifacts!
Zara Croft is the daughter of LAHRAH KROFT, and she's got the power!
Info[]
Name: Zara Croft
Age: 15
Parent's Story: Tomb Raider
Appearance: I'm a brunette with a braid, a blue top, and short brown shorts. I often carry two pistols around.
Alignment: Royal
Roommate: Dirtbike White
Secret Heart's Desire: To raid all the tombs of the world.
My "Magic" Touch: I can shoot things with my pistols.
Storybook Romance Status: I don't need love.
"Oh Curses!" Moment: I die a lot.
Favorite Subject: Archaeology. It's for a true badass!
Least Favorite Subject: Princessology. I'm not a sissy.
Best Friend Forever After: Cain Lowell and Armpit Icarus - fellow game babies.
Biography[]
Hello there, babies. I'm Zara Croft, the sexy badass daughter of Lara Croft. I've been looking for certain artifacts.
I go on adventures all around the world to raid tombs and shoot people. I can jump, climb, crawl, use weapons, grab ledges, pull switches, light flares, find hidden weapons and medicine, and look for treasures. You can also use a cheat code to make me explode. In addition to tombs, I explore jungles, deserts, shipwrecks, caves, cities, subways, Atlantis, and Area 51. I live in a huge house called Croft Manor with my butler Winston, whom I love to lock in the freezer.
I am able to die many times and respawn. Some of my deaths include being turned into sexy solid gold, falling off ledges, being squished by boulders, being eaten by dinosaurs, impaled by falling swords, stabbed by giant six-armed statues, smashed by a giant mutant, and many, many more! Literally everything is trying to kill me.
I'm the hottest girl in the video game world, but many people resent that, especially that ugly bitch Anita Sarkeesian who accuses my games of being sexist. I respond by pounding her with loads of bullets. I'm a real feminist since I'm badass and successful and I've got lots of booty. She's probably just jealous of my boobies.
Trivia[]
- She screams whenever she falls from high places.
- She is a Buddhist. (She converted after going to Tibet.)
- She is the spokeswoman for Lara bars, which are her favorite food.
- She drives an invisible ambulance.
- She loves making levels on the Tomb Raider Level Editor.
- She is friends with Lotta Windsor-Middleton.
- She sometimes takes Dr. Tenma on her tomb-raiding expeditions. He tends to cause problems rather than being of any actual use.
- She once had a bad case of bosommice. (Bosommice are mice that live in your boobies.) Luckily she got an exterminator to kill them all.
- She has a pet catoblepas named Muffin. Muffin eats doner kebabs and sings "Anywhere Is" by Enya.
- She says "no" when you try to make her use a key but it's the wrong key.
Videos[]
Tomb Raider 1 Giant Mutant Death
Me getting killed by a giant mutant.
Tomb Raider 3 - All Deaths
My own little death montage.
What Is Lara Croft?
Why should I care?